- A grand gesture! l'll tell her. - We shook on it.
l gave you 50 pistoles. Adeline's mine!
You take me for a horse-trader?
lf only you listened, and tried charm, manners,
flowers.
- Flowers? - l can do flowers.
The rest is beyond me. But flowers l can.
- Had a good night? - And a lovely wake-up call.
- Hello, lovely wake-up call. - lf you want anything...
l have all l want, solitude, silence.
- Freedom, in fact. - ln prison?
Prison is the ideal place.
You float motionless on a pillow of dreams.
l'm even hungry. A mind at rest is more inventive.
You're mad!
Prison is off-bounds.
lf you want to chat,
l'm your man.
- Here! - Onions, how nice!
- Tulips! - My flower! By what right?
Here...
l don't like flowers, but women do.
- As you're a woman... - They like wooing.
A good opening flowers... women... How poetic! Keep it up!
l find you...
Truly...
You're beautiful.
Clean, too. Strong. lndustrious. Seen her laundering?
- And dish-washing! - l bet she can cook.
And sew! Such nimble fingers.
Just imagine...
For only 50 pistoles, he gets the whole line of Adelines:
a fabulous washing machine,
a wonderful dishwasher,
a sewing machine, an iron,
and a 4-burner stove that heats the house!
What're you saying, smart-aleck?
Nothing but the truth.
You're more than lovely,
you're dazzling. Your soul shines in your eyes.
You're a lively young creature,
pure as spring water,
free as a bird.
The man you love, of all your suitors, will be the happiest of men.
So choose well.
No sycophant, priest or army man!
Show your face, songbird!
Playing pranks?
Shot! Quartered, hung, cut down, hung again!
Burnt alive, raw, cooked, roasted!
Tranche-Montagne, you fly turd! On the double!
Find me the guard! Assembly!
And get a move on!
That was very nice what you said.
And very sweet.
l know it was to enrage him, but it did me good to hear.
You shouldn't provoke him. He has no imagination,
so killing leaves him cold.
Last year he slaughtered two recruits who winked at me.
You listening?
lf you want to sulk, suit yourself. But l warned you.
Escape! Alert!
Alarm!
Fix bayonets! Charge!
Sound the tocsin!
l'll cut him down!
Attack!
General alert!
- Hide before he sees you. - l'm fine here.
Charming bosom!
l'd love to explore, but...
You fool!
- What're you doing? - Throw me my sword?
Yours, no! But mine!
- Why? - l need it. Like a bull needs horns.
- There he is! - lt's rude to point, Mr. Fool.
He's mocking you.
No, you. Which is very brave.
- Permission, sir... - To?
- Disembowel him! Emasculate him! - Not that!
Though l'd love to see him in action. But spare his neck.
Ladder!
Too short!
- 3 on Fier-a-Bras! - 5 on Fanfan!
Begad! Begosh!
And why not begum!
And to you, be gone!
Behind!
- The sergeant's a bastard. - He's a sergeant.
Think l have all day?
- Raise you 3. - l'm in.
- A hand? - Don't touch me!
On second thought...
Let go of me!
ls that fair play?
- But at court we'd laugh it off. - Let's laugh, then.
- Or the other way around. - Better yet.
- They might kill each other. - He's too young to know what death is.
You all right?
Beg your pardon?
See where your meanness gets you?
- ln ruins. - Pardon?
How can Adeline marry a man so churlish?
Beg your pardon?
You forget Adeline, l forget you. A deal?
- lt's a draw. - A draw?
- They're both alive. - Mine's more... l demand arbitration.
Granted. l'll arbitrate a draw.
Teaching Fier-a-Bras a lesson and saving Adeline, hats off!
Plus entertaining the children.
l love a worthy cause!
You act like a prince, and you've won a friend.
For life!
Colonel A.B.C.D. de la Houlette?
Here l am!
We, Louis, declare the following order to our troops:
The Aquitaine regiment, - that's us -
is assigned to ensure Our Majesty's protection.
lt will therefore set out immediately
for Chateau Villelune,
where we have decided to establish our headquarters.
Children, en route!
Beg you pardon?
That's better.
But it smells of garlic.
l want a smell of gunpowder!
A royal-blessed cure
for frostbite, blisters,
even venereal disease.
Make way!
My fiancée! l recognized her.
- You've never seen her face! - Love has eyes, comrade.
- l didn't have all my wits. - A blow can restore them.
- You being a wit? - Pardon?
Beg your pardon?
Making light of my temporary disability?
Very well!
Villelune! The King's daughter awaits me.
At last! The King and l were anxious!
We were attacked.
ln broad daylight. Your roads are no longer safe.
All the money is in the war chest.
- But no harm done? - Thanks to a charming savior Fanfan.
How he took care of those bandits!
lt was quite a sight!
Tell the King we're exhausted.
Return this equipage to my cousin.
Henriette! To bed!
Who does she think l am!
Looking for your star?
lt's that one.
- How do you know? - lt's mine.
Be my guest.
At my wedding, too.
- Your wedding? - l said yes to the sergeant.
lt's absurd! He's a brute.
He doesn't scare me. l'll have his pay, respect,
my own pew in church on Sundays...
- A name... - Madam Fier-a-Bras?
Children...
How awful!
He's like a dog. l'll train him.
lf your fate is training mad dogs...
Mine lies behind one of those windows.
You deserve better.
Keep looking. Believe me.
l flitted about. Then suddenly it came to me. Thanks to you.
lt's all there, Sire.
But this map reveals all our plans.
What if our traitor sees it? What news?
We're making progress. His code name: Man in Black, Schwartz-something...
lnteresting.
Dig deeper, l want results.
Enough! Always underfoot!
Scram!
He loves my teasing!
Let us hear your plans, Marshal.
lt's a standard tactic, but with a certain strategic whim.
l adore strategic whims. Take note of that, gentlemen!
The right flank l place on the left.
- The left flank l place... - On the right!
ln the center, Sire. For even greater effect.
We've got 'em... You've got 'em... l mean, l've got 'em.
And the red line?
The immunity line. A novelty.
A half-toise behind this line puts us out of artillery range.
You sure?
16-pounders. PPP powder.
Primahaupt Pulverboom Pulvermagazines. Our supplier.
A level ladleful,
a 16-lb. ball, a 15-ft. bore, maximum range 300 toises.
Their artillery, here!
The line at toise 301 . Behind it, we're immune!
Before l bid you goodnight, let us pray
to the god of armies for his aid tomorrow.
Wake up!
- Come on! - l'm sleeping.
Not any more. C'mon!
- l had the wildest dreams. - Let's hurry!
Halt! There they are!
Don't be afraid, it's me.
Why scream?
l won't harm you. lt's me, Fanfan-la-Tulipe.
l saved you from bandits in the woods.
Screaming gives you wrinkles.
What a letdown!
l don't understand a word.
We had to get acquainted some time.
Squealing like a guinea hen!
You were so adorable...
Very well, you win!
Your ardent suitor lost his ardor!
Me no want you now!
Nothing stops this goose!
You here?
What's going on?
l came calling, as fiancés do. She went wild.
- She's just scared. - l don't usually scare them.
- lt's the other way around. - You don't just walk in.
The desire's gone.
This way!
There he is!
Come down!
Help me, Marquise.
So, spying?
Not at all, Majesty.
Who pays you?
l never knew you or La Houlette?
But since you mention it, how about a little raise?
- He's not much of a man in black. - lnside, Sire.
His soul is probably very dark.
What now?
He seems blacker.
- Who can explain? - l can, Sire!
Contrary to appearances, l'm as white as snow.
He's amusing.
- l rescued your daughter. - Which one?
- The King's daughter. - From what?
From bandits in the woods, the other day.
Henriette, my little girl?
No one tells me anything!
My thanks. This deserves a reward.
As a matter of fact...
- l came here to ask for her hand. - What?
- You want to marry my daughter? - Not any more.
Sorry, but the screams, Poland - not for me.
- You reject my daughter? - Sorry.
l'm not well born, l hate hunting...
l made a mistake.
Put it down to youth. No hard feelings?
See you!
lf he's no son-in-law, then he's a spy!
Him and his ally, hang them.
That's it!
They got him! The spy, the Man in Black. By the balls!
Guess who? The Parisian!
The famous Fanfan! Tomorrow...
snap goes the tulip!
- Sir... - Beg your pardon?
Sir, l'm a man of honor.
l'd be honored to have the honor
of executing him!
For the pleasure and...
- The honor? - Exactly.
l come from a long line of hangmen.
ln that case, granted.
Reluctantly...
For a hanging, violins!
Violins only!
l'm demoralized. Life was smiling on me:
A home, a family, a trade, a wife... then nothing!
They don't breathe the same air we do.
Mess-chest. Get your money out!
lf she's not my dream woman, who is?
You? Why, sure!
So that was my path!
l didn't want to tell you, for fear of losing you.
Now l lose you as l tell you...
Tell me?
l've never loved,
so l don't know if this thing that makes me
so happy and so unhappy is called love.
l've used the word too often,
and it was nothing like what l feel.
l thank this flash of lightning for all this radiance.
The rule is two minutes. One minute more makes two minutes.
l knew your whoring mother. l may even have got you started.
So stick your rules somewhere else. Drink...
Set your head straight.
Why didn't l see you then as l just saw you?
As l see you now?
Maybe it took the darkness, prison, fear.
We should age earlier,
turn 50 at 20. We'd know what's essential.
About what?
Life. Good, evil, truth, falsehood,
women,
and my own,
my only, Adeline. My Adeline.
My Fanfan.
Leaving life before living it!
You read my palm.
Now read my heart: your face is engraved forever.
Forever is almost over, my love.
A few hours for a lifetime, while others sleep.
Not everyone's asleep.
The show's not till tomorrow.
But we came to see the murderer.
What murderer?
Beat it, you little snots!
Murderer...
They can't part us without proof or trial!
- What do you want to do? - Live happy with you alive.
We have so little time.
Exactly. l want time,
seasons, years...
l'll go see the King and beg. This very night!
He cares only about glory.
l'll make amends for my fault.
- Can't l sleep in peace? - Tomorrow. For eternity!
- We have to catch Adeline. - Which key?
He won't wait.
Which is it?
Don't scream, please!
- l must save the man l love. - Who?
You know him. The one you christened Fanfan...
La-Tulipe? Tell me all.
My poor child, even if l believe you,
Louis... His Majesty won't change his mind.
Wake him, take me to his chamber.
Not the King!
No one disturbs His Majesty's sleep.
Unless...
Someone... Come!
- You, Madam? - At this hour, it can only be urgent.
You're in good hands. l'll repay you some day.
- A pardon? - An audience.
Even so, a lot to ask. At night.
And from the King!
- Why should the King free this spy? - He's not the spy!
- l can prove it. - How?
l know the real traitor.
He gave Fanfan a jewel
to spare him. Fanfan gave it to me. A ring.
My... A ring?
May l see it?
- l'll take it to the King. - No, l will.
l'll buy it. Name your price.
lt's not for sale.
Everything's for sale! The ring, you, me...
- l'm already sold... The price? - lt's a gift.
- 10,000! - A keepsake.
- 20,000. - l'm fond of it.
You drive a hard bargain.
l love to haggle.
The King's chamber!
- Knock first. - l intend to.
- Where's my wife? - Three doors down.
- Shut up, Poland! - And France?
The man in the woods. The traitor!
Explain this fuss and this accusation. l'm in a foul mood.
- l caught this thief... - l brought her!
Yes, but she tried to steal this ring.
You gave it to me in the woods.
What woods? l hate woods!
Poor child!
l gave you that gem two years ago.
For my name day. His Majesty remembers.
How did you come by it?
- The Man in Black's mask. - This defies belief.
Why?
- Florins, sterling... - We need a single currency.
Traitors adore gold, Sire.
- Not only gold, cousin. - Cousin?
- Aren't all kings cousins? - You're no king.
l was promised a crown.
lf you lose, Austria grants me Liberbidarunstein.
And you will lose.
l've sold it all: maps, times, passwords, plans!
Arrest the rogue!
No one moves!
No love lost between us!
Guards! Encircle the chateau!
He'll be long gone!
Lucky there's water.
l never noticed.
lt can't be!
To horse!
- Where are you taking me? - You'll be my queen!
Faster!
ln the King's service!
A sick woman!
- What will you do? - Make you my queen.
- lf l refuse? - The Austrians get you!
- To shoot me? - They hang women.
Shut up and move!
Free me and l'll tell you
the Aquitaine password.
l know it God help us.
- Picardy? - God be with us.
- Burgundy? - Glory to God. l know them all.
Franche-Comté God bless.
Champagne God wills it, etc.
l'm a professional!
Keep moving!
lt's me, Corsini! Von Gorzini!
Fetch Koenigseck!
He's not worthy of your distress.
Not a man called tulip!
Pick, sniff and discard!
Stick to real values. Look for a man with a future.
There's no man but him, no future but with him.
So much for your tulip!
Don't, you fool!
You won't survive the fall.
l won't live without him.
Love is blind!
What if it is?
Why live without the sight of my beloved?
Why touch if l haven't him to caress,
or hold in my arms?
lf his scent is no longer in the air, why continue to breathe?
Without love, you lose, Corsini.
So far, l'm ahead.
All you win are my tears!
That's enough!
Calm down! You can always die later.
l'll kill you myself, my word of honor! My word, anyway.
Von Gorzini! Bear hug mit madmazelle?
Not at all.
She's just a spy in training.
Danke shön-good-thanks fur treason!
Grosse hankee-pankee iz delikatessen fur us.
What did he say?
Congratulations on your good work.
Komen zee battle map looken. Big konfrontazhun.
lz Cumberland English.
lngoldsby Scottish.
And all around Koenigseck!
And iz what?
Give the battle signal.
Blue Attack postponed.
Yellow Epidemic.
Red Forward, attack!
And white?
Surrender. He won't hear of it.
He'll have to.
Hands up, everybody!
- Me, prisoner? - The lot of you!
Throw down your swords!
Disarm them, tie them up. l love you.
l love saying l love you.
l love hearing it. My love.
l'm taking you to Paris.
We'll set up house.
Paris real estate costs a fortune.
- Who asked you? - l know where their treasure is.
We'll open an inn The Golden Tulip.
No, The Hemp Collar!
Mein chateau iz nicht a barn!
l'll make you my captain!
l nabbed the traitor.
- You're done for! - Pardon?
He's the traitor!
Sorry! He gambled,
he lost.
- At my signal... - Poor fool!
Think for once! Why are you here?
Because you pursued him. Why?
You saw him pass.
- Who went before? - Don't listen!
l did! As prisoner of this traitor!
- She's right. - So who was chasing whom, jackass?
The right to error. Geneva convention!
Dragoons to the rescue!
- Where's the enemy? - Everywhere it shouldn't be.
The work of that Corsini traitor!
The Scots, Sire.
Nothing for us! We needed a hymn!
l fear we're lost.
- There's another word... - Done for?
Screwed?
Cooked! That's it. We're cooked.
Marshal...
Let us attack. We shall perish with panache!
The enemy must send a signal from Ziggenkrawczyk Tower.
Protocol of 1028 revised in 1477 and modified last week.
l recognize the fellow!
Our dear Fanfan.
The attack flag!
Get the flag down!
Your shirt. l need your shirt!
lt's the end, Mr. Tulip:
for your romance, your king,
your army!
At the count of 3, you die!
What's that white thing? A flag?
l'd say it was a shirt. Even...
a white shirt!
- A good sign? - Better yet, Sire. You win!
Just like that? Without a battle?
Not even a casualty.
- lt counts? - An unmatchable triumph!
lt'll go down in History!
But isn't victory without risk like triumph without glory?
Say, not bad! Jot that down.
Monsieur,
you shall be our guest until this tedious war is over...
Our guest, as you won't be one of us.
- What flair! - What a son!
- What a neck! - What a shame!
You and your Polish airs!
Young friend, be my private general, with chateau, carriages, and pensions.
You won't turn me down again?
Your young friend is honored. But l must be master of my own fate.
This woman, though no king's daughter, will be my queen.
She'll reign over a few acres,
my heart, and a few children, God willing.
How lucky you are, to indulge your whims!
Music!
My hymn!
That's what l call muscle!
lt swings.
With the end of this story came a period of peace for Europe
that lasted 18 months. Or 18 days, no one remembers.
But we all know peace never lasts.
Except for Adeline and Fanfan, who lived happily ever after.